Where do you choose to focus your energy?

Self-compassion is one of the foundations of self-care and is a lifetime practice of focusing on the light in your heart. It is an experiential practice of becoming conscious of your habitual patterns and retraining your energy away from those that cause you distress.

Our wellbeing is in a constant state of flux. Nothing in this world is static – everything within us and around us is always changing. The weather, our living environment, our bodies, moods, relationships, work, etc. We are all affected in some way by these internal and external influences. Every day we have an opportunity to choose how we respond to the changes that come our way.

If we are willing to focus on generating compassion to ourselves in situations of discomfort and stress we begin to rewire our brains, and over time we can start to see changes in all areas of our lives. Things don’t always go our way. This is part of being human. Suffering is inevitable and universal – but how we respond differs from person to person – and you are the only one who knows where to focus your attention to create a greater sense of ease in your life.

No matter what is happening to us we always have a choice as to how we will respond. You can either continue in your familiar pattern of reaction, or you could try and pause and breathe…before you act. To do this – you firstly need to become aware of the things that cause you harm.

Are you aware of your behaviours that cause discomfort?

You might not know the answer to this question – therefore it could be helpful to start a diary and make notes when you find yourself stuck in unhelpful behaviour patterns. This helps you develop curiosity about how you react when things don’t go as planned. Writing thoughts down gets them out of your head so you can look at them in a more objective way. You can also track the number of times the behaviour or reaction is repeated in a given period.

Once you recognise some aspects of your behaviour that are potentially harming, you have an opportunity to see how you can change things up. Maybe you are constantly overtired and easily irritable, or you are running on empty and have a racing mind at night. Or perhaps you are getting over anxious about the state of the world. Whatever your patterns, when you recognise them, you can begin to address how they are affecting your wellbeing.

Now is the perfect time to start nourishing the seeds in your life that you want to flourish. You have so many amazing qualities – give yourself the space to bring them into the limelight. We all have negative thoughts and emotions, and there’s no way that we can ever get rid of all of them. However, we don’t have to give them as much air time as they try and demand.

You Self-Care Project for this month

Begin a new notebook called “How kind are you to yourself?”

Develop the courage to ask yourself this question truthfully and notice how you behave towards yourself. Throughout the month – make notes and observe your behaviour.

Be gentle with this – start softly and gently with simple garden weeds – rather than a gorse bush. Address something that you know you can safely work with alone – or if something comes up for you – please ensure that you reach out to someone you trust for help. This is a practice of self-compassion and it’s your self-care project.

Examples of behaviours include:

• How do you brush your teeth? Gently and thoroughly or fast and hurried?
• Do your rush around in the mornings?
• How do you respond to aches and pains in your body?
• Do you allow yourself to feel constantly overtired?
• Do you spend too much time in front of the computer – or on your device?
• Do you rage about politics?

Pick one common theme or aspect of your behaviour and explore it. Remember to reflect on whether the action/thought serves or hinders you. Whether it is helpful or harming? Try to become as conscious about your self-talk as possible.

Create space and connect with your breath. Take it easy though, because if you force your breath your mind will become easily disturbed.

Remember – our thoughts and feelings are not necessarily our reality. They are in fact our perception of a reality. The more we can learn to recognise thoughts as thoughts, and feelings as feelings – the more potential we have to create a sense of freedom and act from our hearts.

Your breath is always with you – remember to use it to help you stay present and in your body. Our breath is the bridge between the heart and mind.