Tī Kōuka (Cabbage Tree) stands stable and elegant alone on the coasts of Aotearoa. Her narrow trunk sends fibrous roots deep into the earth to stay strong as the leaves yield and shed in the blustering winds.

When we look to nature for strength and support, her beauty can help us find courage to deal with what is happening in our lives and also create a feeling of space. This simple activity has the potential to help us develop a greater sense of ease.

When did you last spend some time in nature on your own?

Solitude in nature is different from loneliness – which can be felt as separation and distress. Nature has healing and energising properties. When we stop and listen to birdsong, moving water, or the sound of wind in the trees we begin to create a feeling of separation from our mental chatter.

Stopping, pausing and listening to nature is not being lazy. It can actually help us develop our concentration and awareness. Ultimately it creates more time because it helps us reduce rushing. The more often we take micro pauses, the easier it is to live in the now – and the more aware of the present moment we can become.

This is why conscious breathing is so healing. When we consciously bring attention to our breath – we automatically begin to slow down.

April’s Self-Care Project – the Power of a Pause

This month’s Self-Care Project is all about finding some space in your day. Re-learning the act of spending a few moments in silence listening to nature.

The over stimulation in our world today rarely allows moments of quiet. Our homes and workplaces are filled with white noise from appliances and computers. We take pride in our busyness and seem to be constantly rushing from one activity to the next.

This self-care practice is about creating space for you to be with yourself – no devices, music or podcasts.

Learning the power of a pause.

Here’s how:

• Choose a time of day where you can have five minutes uninterrupted (either at the beginning or end of the day can be best – when there is less hustle and bustle)
• Inside or out – it’s up to you. If you choose inside, sit near a window so you can hear the weather and sounds of nature
• Set an alarm (so you don’t have to think about the time)
• Sit comfortably in a chair, close your mouth and breathe naturally through your nose
• There is nothing else that you need to do – other than listen to the sounds outside
  
• Notice what you notice. What does it feel like to sit still and do nothing apart from listening?

Can you hear sounds around you – or can you only hear the chatter in your head?
You will most likely hear a combination of both – there is no right or wrong
Remember you are giving yourself some space to be quiet and listen to whatever you hear

• Feel yourself breathing
• Drink in the quiet and nature’s sounds around you

When your alarm goes off – take a few conscious breaths before you slowly get up from the chair

Aim to keep doing this exercise as often as you can throughout the month. If you can – try the practice everyday for at least a week.

Observe how doing this practice makes you feel?  It may be useful to keep a journal for some reflections.

Additionally…

Any time during your day – whenever you remember – and have an opportunity. Take a moment to stop and pause, noticing what you see and hear around you. You can be anywhere to do this.

• Use your breath to ground you – breathe in and out – feel your feet on the floor and tune your attention to sound. Just for a micro minute. Then breathe out and continue on with your day.
  

The more we remember to do this – the greater benefits we receive.

Take note of any changes.

 

Self-compassion is one of the foundations of self-care and is a lifetime practice of focusing on the light in your heart. It is an experiential practice of becoming conscious of your habitual patterns and retraining your energy away from those that cause you distress.

Our wellbeing is in a constant state of flux. Nothing in this world is static – everything within us and around us is always changing. The weather, our living environment, our bodies, moods, relationships, work, etc. We are all affected in some way by these internal and external influences. Every day we have an opportunity to choose how we respond to the changes that come our way.

If we are willing to focus on generating compassion to ourselves in situations of discomfort and stress we begin to rewire our brains, and over time we can start to see changes in all areas of our lives. Things don’t always go our way. This is part of being human. Suffering is inevitable and universal – but how we respond differs from person to person – and you are the only one who knows where to focus your attention to create a greater sense of ease in your life.

No matter what is happening to us we always have a choice as to how we will respond. You can either continue in your familiar pattern of reaction, or you could try and pause and breathe…before you act. To do this – you firstly need to become aware of the things that cause you harm.

Are you aware of your behaviours that cause discomfort?

You might not know the answer to this question – therefore it could be helpful to start a diary and make notes when you find yourself stuck in unhelpful behaviour patterns. This helps you develop curiosity about how you react when things don’t go as planned. Writing thoughts down gets them out of your head so you can look at them in a more objective way. You can also track the number of times the behaviour or reaction is repeated in a given period.

Once you recognise some aspects of your behaviour that are potentially harming, you have an opportunity to see how you can change things up. Maybe you are constantly overtired and easily irritable, or you are running on empty and have a racing mind at night. Or perhaps you are getting over anxious about the state of the world. Whatever your patterns, when you recognise them, you can begin to address how they are affecting your wellbeing.

Now is the perfect time to start nourishing the seeds in your life that you want to flourish. You have so many amazing qualities – give yourself the space to bring them into the limelight. We all have negative thoughts and emotions, and there’s no way that we can ever get rid of all of them. However, we don’t have to give them as much air time as they try and demand.

You Self-Care Project for this month

Begin a new notebook called “How kind are you to yourself?”

Develop the courage to ask yourself this question truthfully and notice how you behave towards yourself. Throughout the month – make notes and observe your behaviour.

Be gentle with this – start softly and gently with simple garden weeds – rather than a gorse bush. Address something that you know you can safely work with alone – or if something comes up for you – please ensure that you reach out to someone you trust for help. This is a practice of self-compassion and it’s your self-care project.

Examples of behaviours include:

• How do you brush your teeth? Gently and thoroughly or fast and hurried?
• Do your rush around in the mornings?
• How do you respond to aches and pains in your body?
• Do you allow yourself to feel constantly overtired?
• Do you spend too much time in front of the computer – or on your device?
• Do you rage about politics?

Pick one common theme or aspect of your behaviour and explore it. Remember to reflect on whether the action/thought serves or hinders you. Whether it is helpful or harming? Try to become as conscious about your self-talk as possible.

Create space and connect with your breath. Take it easy though, because if you force your breath your mind will become easily disturbed.

Remember – our thoughts and feelings are not necessarily our reality. They are in fact our perception of a reality. The more we can learn to recognise thoughts as thoughts, and feelings as feelings – the more potential we have to create a sense of freedom and act from our hearts.

Your breath is always with you – remember to use it to help you stay present and in your body. Our breath is the bridge between the heart and mind.